You may have heard by now that the Qlik Luminary program has shifted to be more customer focused, which I think is good.

Those of us who were previously Qlik Luminaries are proud to have received the designation “Luminary Alumni” but some of us don’t  go so quietly.

That is  why we have formed the “Qlik Illuminati”, a shadowy cabal of former Luminaries.

As soon as this pandemic thing is over, we will be holding our first worldwide meeting in a secret  ice cave or mountain bunker somewhere (If you have an ice cave or mountain bunker available for rent, please contact our events coordinator).

Do you doubt our power and influence? Ever wonder why you see Mike Tarallo only on the “green screen”?  That’s because we abducted him and Ralf distilled Mike into pure code.  MikeBot now reads our scripts! We let physical Mike go  (we’re not brutes, we’re technicians) but an unfortunate side-effect of the distillation process is that Mike now seems unable to focus on a single topic for more than 60 seconds.

We have been incredibly successful in getting our “Q” symbol insinuated everywhere — in social media, signs at demonstrations, footage  on the nightly news. Everywhere.

The “R” users think we’re crazy — they think they are the real deal. But we know that Q are the rational ones.

I bet you’re looking for a list of Q Illuminati members. Sorry I can’t share that with you. We are a shadowy organization. (Ralf, did I say Ralf? I meant Ralph! Oh well…)

Yours Truly,
Q

Who started this April 1 foolery anyways?